AHS Tradition

Antioch High School continues its long standing tradition of putting out quality kickers on the football team. See video below:



When I played football there we had a kicker with the same heart and desire that she is showing this season (although I think he weighed 20 lbs less). So keep up the good work little lady! Maybe someday you will be kicking for Stanford or maybe we will see you on Monday Night Football kicking for the Tennessee Titans.

PANTHER PRIDE!

Finally My Prayers Have Been Answered

Summer's Eve has finally released a product that addresses one of the biggest problems we face today. No, I'm not talking about global warming or the recent financial crisis. What I am talking about is vaginal odor. I am just glad that Summer's Eve had the balls to stand up and say, "That's it! I am not going to take it anymore! I won't sit here and let vaginas continue to stink! Not on my watch!" And for that I salute you Summer's Eve . . . I'm glad someone finally had the balls to take a stand on smelly, stinky, disgusting vaginas! Check it out!


Still not satisfied that it will work? Well don't take my word on it. Listen to this Stone Cold Fox's review of this product!

See all Feminine Hygiene reviews at Expotv

Domination

I used to think that my website was pretty cool but how can I compete with this?

http://www.iamsofuckingcool.com

FML Part II

My sadness continues.

FML

I thought my refrigerator died today. I don't know why but as I was putting in a sh*t ton of groceries it just stopped feeling cold. I began to notice that quite a bit of moisture was beginning to show up on everything I had in there too.

I then checked the freezer and sure enough, it wasn't that cold either. "Weird," I thought to myself, "maybe its always like this and I have just never noticed?" After a few more minutes I didn't hear it begin to cool and all of my stuff continued to condensate. I began to enter panic mode.

So thinking my fridge was officially busted, what did I do, you ask? I did the only logical thing one would do in this situation. I packed up the most valuable things in my fridge and brought them to the freezer at work. That's right the freezer at work now has 3 salmon fillets, about a dozen pork chops, some chicken and who knows how many packages of turkey.

To make a long story short, I come to my place after dropping off "my meat" at work only to find that my fridge was obviously working just fine. So now I am sitting at home, pissed with a fully stocked freezer at work. So FML, indeed. Now I am going to have to bring all of that crap back home tomorrow.

Sometimes I just hate myself.

Sweet Dreams

Bistro Burger is Dead to Me

It's official!! Bistro Burger has made the dreaded list of Things that are Dead to Me. As of this morning there were only 3 things on the list but thanks to Bistro Burger's incompetent staff, my list has now grown to an even 4.

What did Bistro Burger do, you ask? Well, they simply messed up my order and then did nothing to fix it. When I walked up the counter I clearly ordered a Cheeseburger Royale with pepperjack cheese and a side of onion rings. The half asleep woman at the register then gave me a number but neglected to hand over any sort of record that documented our transaction. "No biggie," I thought, "These are trained professionals who would never tarnish Bistro Burger's fine name." How very wrong I was.

First, I didn't get my drink cup which was supposed to come with my order so I had to go back and yell at the woman behind the counter. Thankfully her afternoon depression had fully set in at this point and she gave me a cup even though I didn't have a receipt. Then a burger came out and it was brought to my table. I say a burger because it most certainly was not my burger. There was cheese on it but it was not pepperjack and there were no onion rings on the side. Needless to say, I sent that sh*t back.

Then the very same burger comes to my table again and the server explained to me that I had ordered a California burger. Ummm no. I politely explained that I ordered a Cheeseburger Royale with pepperjack with a side of onion rings and not the Royale F*ck Up that she was trying to pawn off on me. She then leaves the table and return a few moments later with my burger . . . so I thought.

On closer inspection, I noticed that this was not my Cheeseburger Royale after all. Instead what happened is that the server brought over the same California Burger with a slice of unmelted pepperjack laid on top of whatever cheese was already on it. They also threw 4 to 5 onion rings on the side to appease me. At this point, I didn't care anymore and was SOL without a receipt. I ended up eating their halfassed attempt at deliciousness while holding back my tears of disappointment.

So, I'm sorry Bistro Burger, you are now going to have to live with the shame of being on the list of Things that are Dead to Me. There is no going back and I swear I will never step foot in your establishment ever again . . . or at least until someone in my office suggests we go there for lunch again. Whatever comes first.

Things that are Dead to Me
(1) Ex-Girlfriend
(2) Applesauce
(3) Yosemite National Park
(4) Bistro Burger

Bloc Party @ The Fillmore

I went to the Bloc Party concert at the Fillmore on Wednesday night. Overall I would say the show was pretty good. It could have been great had we not been standing next to the most Bro-tastic group of guys that sang every song (drunkenly) and played grab-ass throughout the show. I expected to see them going down on each other by the time Encore #3 rolled around.

Highlights included:
(1) Knutz showing up in full chaperone attire, a suit and tie
(2) Scoffing at the people calling their friends on their cellphones just so they could feel like they were at the concert, then noticing that Eric was one of those people . . . so sad.
(3) Drinking a brown bagged premium beer in a park outside of the Fillmore. Yes, a premium beer, I have standards.
(4) The opening act, Does it Offend You, Yeah? offending our ears
(5) Highschool pote. It was everywhere.
(6) Me pissing off a bartender and not leaving her a tip - How dare you tell me how to order drinks after you go out of your way to serve me before others who were waiting longer!! I'll show you!

Now that I have gotten the concert itch again I am looking for more shows to attend. So who's up for some Neil Diamond in September? Anyone?

Blog Update

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have been thinking long and hard about my future plans for this blog and after many sleepless nights I have come to one conclusion. The world is a much better place with this Blog in it. So it looks like I am going to make more of an effort to post stuff in the future.

In the meantime, here are 10 things that have happened in my life since March:

(1) Spent 3 days in the hospital after contracting vasculitis
(2) Went to Yosemite - that park is now dead to me
(3) Single handedly ruined or perfected a hiking trip to Point Reyes^
(4) Thought I had Gonorrhea for 2 weeks (I don't - See #1!)
(5) Lost in the first round of playoffs for the last 2 soccer seasons
(6) Made many trips to Los Angeles, 1 trip to Lake Tahoe and too many trips to Antioch
(7) Purchased a coffee table after living in my apartment for 6 months
(8) Took a strange and unfamiliar trip to Las Vegas*
(9) Became obsessed with Yacht Rock and Italian Spiderman
(10) Have pushed countless pieces of paper at work

^Depends on how you look at it.
*Simply means I drank less but was surrounded by more women.

Almost Time For Playoffs

So I know I have been neglecting this blog but to get everyone up to speed all you really need to know is that my soccer team will make the playoffs with a win this Sunday. So you know what that means?