Celebrating WWBD

The founder of "WWBD" was born exactly 35 years ago today on the bathroom floor of a frat house somewhere in the state of Maryland. It truly is amazing how much he has achieved despite being born with so little . . .

To celebrate everyone should go to the link below and let him know what you think about him:
Happy B-Day Link

MLK Day 2008

A Hometown Buffet Conspiracy

It has been called to my attention that the photos from my exposé on Hometown Buffet are no longer working. Well, that is a bunch of horsesh*t!

I guess I said and showed you guys somethings that Hometown Buffet Corporate just didn't want to hear.

Post Buffet Depression

Santa Clara, CA - As promised, I ate at Hometown Buffet last night with my unsuspecting friend, Eric. I would like to start this review by making it clear that this is only my second trip to Hometown Buffet and it will probably be my last. However, unlike my first time I had high hopes for this visit. This is mainly because I remembered it being edible and similar to the food at my freshman dorm. So there was a chance that the Hometown Buffet cuisine could be delicious, right?

WRONG! HOW VERY WRONG I WAS!!

This place is absolutely mind-boggling. I sampled almost everything on the menu and whoever was responsible for preparing the food managed to f*ck up EVERYTHING that I ate. But let's not ruin this review with generalities - read below for the specifics.

7:45 p.m. PST- I picked up Eric and the two of us arrived at the Santa Clara Hometown Buffet. At first I was shocked at how nice the building looked from the outside. As you can see from the photo above, the restaurant appeared clean but like most of the girls I meet these days, something that looks clean doesn't mean that it actually is on the inside. My expectations continued to be pretty high as we followed a family of three into the entrance. "This can't be that bad if these people are choosing to have a family dinner here," I thought to myself. Well, I learned something very startling about people last night and that is that those who choose to eat at Hometown Buffet are not people - they are animals.

Eric and I then walked up the register, ordered our meals, then I waited for the hag behind the counter to ring up two dinners before I slapped down my coupon and said, "Ummm, I think one of those will be on the house tonight, sweetheart!" Then she quickly took one dinner off the tab, we each paid our $6 and we were on our merry way.

7:53 p.m. PST - Salad Course

This is about when the reality of the situation finally set in. The lettuce at this make-shift salad bar looked as if it had been sitting out for days. This makes sense since if it weren't for the Ranch dressing, the Hometown Buffet "regulars" probably wouldn't even know that the salad bar exists. After looking around it was probably safe to assume that we were the first patrons of the day to eat salad based solely on the size of the asses that were in the place.

My salad was pretty standard except for maybe the Jello. I thought it added a nice hint of sweet to my plate of disgustingness. Eric rolled the dice with the coleslaw but he ate it all so I assume it didn't disappoint.

8:05 p.m. PST - First Course

We finished our salads in record time and quickly moved onto our first course. It is true that at Hometown Buffet the possibilities are pretty much endless. I filled my plate with all of my favorite foods - meatloaf, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, nachos, and a mystery food that ended up being stuffing. Actually on second thought not one of these foods could be considered a favorite of mine. In fact, I would never go to a restaurant and order any of that crap but, you see, that's the beauty of Hometown Buffet - you learn a lot about yourself.

What caught me most off guard was how little the nacho cheese tasted like nacho cheese. It resembled nacho cheese but it clearly was mislabeled or something. As you can see, Eric continued to roll the dice by adding some shrimp as a side dish to his pizza, meatloaf, fried chicken, and cheeseburger combination plate. It would have been impressive if he had eaten everything but I think he only took about three bites before he tossed the plate in the clean up bin when the bus-woman wasn't looking.

8:16 p.m. PST - Second Course

The feeling of emptiness set in around this time but we didn't let that stop us. I quickly walked right up to the counter with a fresh plate and covered it with some slices of pizza, a cheese enchilada, chicken fajitas, and one of the cheeseburgers that I spied sitting in a pan of grease (I sh*t you not!). The tortillas for the fajitas were stretchy and the enchilada was hard to keep down. I had to keep looking up at the photos of extreme sports that were hung on the walls for inspiration. Check it out:

So sick! Hometown Buffet is EXTREME!

Eric slowed down considerably during this course. All he picked up was the mystery meat that they were passing off as "steak" and Jello. Quite the combination. The Jello went down but I think the steak was still on the plate when the bus-woman came back to our table during her rounds.

8:29 p.m. PST - Dessert

If there had been more photos of extreme sport on the walls then I would have considered going back to the feed stations for another round. Unfortunately by this stage I had used them all up and it was time for dessert. There really isn't much to report since it's damn near impossible to screw up ice cream. Eric insisted we fill up bowls instead of using the plates that were provided. So that we did. Luckily chewing and swallowing was kept to a minimum and everything went down smoothly.

This was also around the time when Eric asked how much money it would take for me to eat some french fries covered in gravy and nacho cheese. I thought to myself, "No way in hell!" but for some reason I did it for free . . .

8:35 p.m. PST - Gravy and Nacho Cheese French Fries Course

This was totally unnecessary and I am sure that after looking at these photos you will agree. It was now 8:35 p.m. and we were informed that Hometown Buffet closes at 8:30 p.m. Luckily I had plenty of time to finish the fries since it took a while for the staff to escort the homeless people who were eating there off of the premises.

ugh

Needless to say, there will be no Hometown Buffets in my future . . . well, unless they send me another coupon. Who's in?!

The Plaza of Justice

For those of you who are familiar with Litigation Tower in San Francisco I would like to call your attention to the Plaza of Justice in Walnut Creek. It is in this beautiful piece of 1980's architecture where the wheels of justice start turning every morning and then come to a screeching halt every night.
BASK IN ITS MIGHTY GLORY!!

It's On!!

Come back tomorrow for a full review.Yeah, I am part of a Buffet Club - so what?

Iron Lungs vs. Lanterne Rouge

The new soccer season is upon us and, as expected, the reigning champions came out on top. The mighty Iron Lungs took down the aging Lanterne Rouge with a score of 4-1. A win is still a win but we shouldn't get too cocky . . . yet. Beating a team where the average age is 35 is nothing to get that excited about. Really it should have been 4-0 but for some reason our defense (i.e. Mike) got caught off guard and they scored a random goal.

Current Standings:

Kleiner Feigling

After three long weeks we finally made it back to Trivia Night. All of that winning can get really tired. Unfortunately our rest didn't exactly pay off because we finished in second place behind a team of 8. Normally I would complain about losing to a team that is clearly in violation of the rules set forth by the Trivia Commissioners but I think we came out on top in the end. This is because if we had been awarded the $40 Bar Tab then we would have never have been awarded a bottle of booze so spectacular that it isn't fit for human consumption. It truly is the Nectar of the Gods. That's right, I'm talking about KLEINER FEIGLING VODKA!
What is Kleiner Feigling Vodka, you ask? Well it is the only vodka on planet Earth that is infused with figs! How can that be bad?! I haven't had the chance to try it yet but I look forward to sipping on a few of these cocktails in the very near future:

CLASSY!!

SOUTH OF THE BORDER!

WTF!!

Social Science Experiment #1

I don't understand why anyone would sign up for any of those dating services that make you pay for the woman of your dreams. As a man of the people, I prefer Craigslist. Lets see if I get any bites.

I figured honesty was the best policy.

How Technorati Saved the Upholstery In My Car

San Francisco, CA - This morning I woke up late in San Jose and had to drive to work in San Francisco. Rather than immediately getting on the road I drove to Starbucks because everything comes second to my dependency on coffee these days. As I walked into my friendly neighborhood cafe I could feel my stomach beginning to rumble. I quickly brushed off this feeling and despite my better judgment I ordered a delicious large/venti coffee. For those of you that don't drink coffee it should be said that coffee gets things moving . . . if you know what I'm sayin'.

About 30 minutes later I was driving through Daly City and admiring how the city smells like cupcakes (why this is not talked about more is beyond me) I began to feel the rumble in my stomach growing stronger.

THEN IT HITS ME!

I needed a bathroom ASAP. I turned the radio down so that I could concentrate on the task at hand. Slowly I made my approach into San Francisco and as I was sitting in traffic I began to panic. There is no way I am going to make it to work before the floodgates are set to open so I started looking for a public bathroom. Safeway - No Public Bathroom. Panera Bread - Closed. Train Station - Don't want to contract AIDS.

THEN IT HITS ME!!

My old employer, Technorati is nearby. To make a long story a little bit shorter, I then drove like a madman over to the building that Technorati is housed in, parked across the street, fed the meter, jaywalked, then ran to the third floor to take care of some business. In just 5 minutes and 2 text messages later it was all behind me. Plus I managed to avoid everyone I knew and any awkward conversations.

So you are probably asking yourself, "Self, why did he go to the third floor when Technorati is located on the second floor?" Well, you see, when this happens to you almost on a daily basis, this is just one of the many tricks you pick up. One day I will write a book about how to avoid crapping your pants and bestow my vast knowledge on each and every one of you but until then . . . Happy Tuesday.

A Vote of Confidence

Oh Mr. Lennox, how wrong you are . . . it's almost as if you don't know me at all.

Sound Advice

If someone would have sat me down and told me that I would be pulling all-nighters to figure out my billing for this stupid job then maybe I would have pursued a different path.

Home Sweet Home

Apparently the San Jose Mercury News is the only paper in the nation that has finally caught onto what I have always known . . . Stories about Antioch will sell newspapers.

Crime Ridden Neighborhood Fights Back
Excerpt - In the past year, police took three girls, ages 12, 13 and 15, into custody, saying they taunted and assaulted a 67-year-old man and his grandchildren in the park. A 10-year-old boy returning from a skate park was beaten by a group of people congregating in the park when he didn't have any money to give them.

Homes and cars were burglarized; trash was strewn everywhere; stolen cars were dumped; property was vandalized.

On his property, Nelson would find drug baggies, brass knuckles and other discarded items. It reached a point where he installed a motion detector video camera, allowing him to view any suspicious activity from his living room television

Pot Growing Scheme May Have Sparked Antioch Apartment Fire
Excerpt - Two young Antioch residents were arrested Sunday night after their apartment was set afire by what police suspect was a small marijuana growing operation.

A lamp used to grow marijuana in a closet likely sparked the fire that led firefighters to evacuate the several apartments in a complex at 1000 Claudia Court at 8:40 p.m. Sunday, police said.

Argument Over "Puff" of Marijuana Leads to Martinez Shooting
Excerpt - St. Onge was smoking marijuana outside the building when the Antioch man, who St. Onge did not know, approached him and "asked for a puff," said Detective Sgt. Jon Sylvia said. St. Onge refused to share and the two got into an argument before separating.

When St. Onge and the Antioch man met a second time in a common area a short time later, the Antioch man brandished a knife, Sylvia said. St. Onge broke a beer bottle to create a weapon of his own before the men parted ways again without resorting to violence.

It was during a third confrontation, when the Antioch man came to the door of a friend of St. Onge, that St. Onge produced a pistol and fired at the victim.

AND AS AN ADDED BONUS:

Cops Name Year's First Slaying Victim
OAKLAND — The city's first homicide victim of 2008 — a man found shot to death Tuesday morning in West Oakland — has been identified as 18-year-old Daryus Wheelock.

Police are not sure where Wheelock lived, as he has listed addresses in Oakland, Antioch and San Leandro in the past.

Tenative New Years Resolutions

Chances are these won't make it to January 10th but who knows - feel free to add to the list:

(1) Waste less money
(2) Drink in moderation (doubtful)
(3) Be less perfect
(4) Drink more water
(5) Move out of my car
(6) Part my hair on the other side of my head
(7) End world hunger
(8) Be less surly
(9) Wrestle a bear
(10) Win the lottery